dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
