babies were throwing up all over the place
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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