I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
