dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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