We won't sleep together?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
