arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
