you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
