She's JV to your varsity
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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