I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
