So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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