You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
farters have to be the big spoon...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
