he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
