I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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