it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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