there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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