the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
