Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
