You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
