Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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