Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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