someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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