you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
