sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
