it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
