So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
