i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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