You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
