Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
