Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
