I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
