dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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