Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
