did you get engaged???
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
