masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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