i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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