which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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