Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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