That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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