You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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