What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
