I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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