This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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