so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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