Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
