You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
