I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
