I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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