Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
