i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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