I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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