My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
