do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
