apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
