The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
