Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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