Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
