She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
