people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
