I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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