He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
