So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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