I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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