Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
