Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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